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Adults and Parents During Divorce

Like the children of divorce, parents and adults often have strong emotions and dealing with those emotions can be difficult.

Adults sometimes get caught up in conflicts with their former spouses and the challenges of creating a life after divorce. As a result, even the best parents of divorce can lose sight of what’s best for their children during and after the divorce. You can even lose sight of what’s best for yourself during the divorce.

Issues facing all adults during divorce:

  • Accepting that you worked hard on making your marriage work and avoiding blaming.
  • Accepting support from your family and friends.
  • Trying out new activities that you enjoy.
  • Listening to other adults and parents of divorce about what helped them.
  • Avoiding reliance on alcohol and drugs.
  • Redefining your identity in ways that are not linked to your spousal role.
  • Making a list of all the difficult challenges you have met in your life to remind yourself that you can succeed in creating a better future for yourself.
  • Learning how to handle emotional crises.
  • Negotiating the divorce settlement.
  • Learning how to communicate with your ex spouse in ways that are effective and less stressful.
  • Safe driving—divorce is a risky time for car accidents.
  • Taking care of your health—stress can lead to more illness during the divorce.

Issues facing parents of divorce:

  • Learning how to help their children through the divorce process.
  • Accepting and listening to the questions, thoughts and feelings of your children.
  • Protecting the child of divorce from anger, arguing and criticism toward and between parents and others.
  • Keeping as much of daily life the same for  your children as is possible; limiting the number of changes they have to make.
  • Insuring that the children are able to spend time with both parents and other family members such as grandparents and other relatives.
  • Click here to learn more about the needs of children of divorce.

What helps adults and parents of divorce?

  • Finding a divorce counseling professional for coaching and guidance resources for yourself and your family.
  • Facing, accepting, then letting go of negative feelings that naturally occur during a divorce.
  • Making changes happen in your life, not just being open to change.
  • Seeking out resources and taking full advantage of every benefit available to you.
  • Finding knowledgeable and reliable legal and financial advisors you can work with to negotiate the divorce.
  • Creating and embracing a sense of self-direction.
  • Self-improvement efforts: diets, makeovers, courses, exercise.
  • Setting specific, short term goals.
  • Careful driving.
  • Getting enough sleep, healthy food, exercise.
  • Exercise in daily activities and/or  yoga, meditation, and other relaxing activities.
  • Discovering new adaptability and flexibility in problem solving.
  • Creating and participating in a less contentious divorce.

The Divorce Resource Center offers counseling that is focused on coping with the present and creating a better future.


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